Ain’t Nobody Got an App fo Dat!

I’m back, guys! Today I will be analyzing Apple’s iPad Mini. I feel a little hypocritical about this post since I’m writing it on a MacBook, but don’t judge me too harshly because it’s the first and only Apple product I own.

iPad mini

Intended Message: It’s the iPad, but smaller and cheaper!

Perceived Message: It’s completely unnecessary to buy, but you’ll buy it anyway.

Here’s one of the first iPad mini commercials: Heart and Soul (click to view video)

I understand what Apple is trying to do by shoving out a mini version of their already successful, yet expensive, product. Because it’s smaller, it’s cheaper, and for that reason, you pitiful poorer consumers out there will be able to purchase one. But hey, we’ll spend all of our advertising dollars proving that it’s “every inch an iPad.” Honestly though, when Apple’s “cheaper” product is still $329, I doubt they’re going to do any better at reaching those lower-income individuals.

Collect them all!

Collect them all!

Going back to their “every inch an iPad” slogan, you never see an iPad mini without its larger iPad cousin, retailing around $500. But wait. If you already own that giant iPad like in the commercials, why spend all that money to buy another, smaller iPad? I guess Apple is once again assuming that since you paid for the regular iPad, of course you have the money to blow on another one!

As a side note, with the money you spent on your two iPads, you could have bought an actual baby grand piano with (gasps) actual keys! If you have the skill to play an actual piano, the only reason to play the piano on an iPad would be to appear pretentious in front of your friends (or doubly pretentious if you have someone accompanying you on their iPad mini).

A Piano? What magical invention is this?

A Piano? What magical invention is this?

So now that we’ve established that no one’s going to buy an iPad mini solely because of its decreased cost (cost is always absent from Apple commercials, if you haven’t noticed), you’d still buy it because it’s more portable right? Nope. It still doesn’t fit in your pocket. I’m guessing with phones growing larger and larger and tablets growing smaller and smaller, in the near future we may have a single device that no one is quite sure what to call.

Here’s another commercial for your view pleasure: I’ll Be Home (click to view video)

So according to Apple’s holiday commercial, by getting your 10-year-old an iPad mini for her stocking stuffer, she’ll be a wonderful ukulele player who warms the heart of her kind, unassuming grandfather (who also owns an iPad). Everyone can smile because they have such a perfect family who will be chatting with each other for hours afterwards instead of glued to their screen playing Angry Birds. Isn’t that sweet? (Gags) And it’s all because of the magic of Apple products. I mean, video chat is an iPad exclusive feature, right?

You already are home for Christmas.

You already are home for Christmas.

Now that I think about it, either someone is wiretapping, or both the girl and her grandfather are right next to each other staring at their iPads on the blank white wall. I mean, video chat is meant to transmit what’s in front of the camera, right?

Well that’s it for this week folks. Now go back to playing Temple Run.

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